


To Contemplate One's Existence

by snowharasho



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Fluffy Ending, Hinata has an existential crisis, Kamuhi in the same body, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24075781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowharasho/pseuds/snowharasho
Summary: After everything that happened in the simulation, Hinata was even more aware he could never fit in with everyone else. He was much too different. And that’s okay, but sometimes he ironically wishes he were… normal.Somehow, it’s the ‘emotionless’ Kamukura Izuru who manages to console him. Or at least, he keeps him occupied until he can fall asleep.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Kamukura Izuru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 173





	To Contemplate One's Existence

The clock ticks. Hinata flips through some familiar documents - his, or rather, the 77th class’s yearbook. He glances over each name and photo, not particularly paying any attention to them. The clock continued to tick. Was it always this loud?

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

He couldn’t sleep. Truthfully, the main reason why he was flipping through the book was because he was trying to pass time and exhaust his body to go to sleep.

It was not working. His mind was focused on the constant, repetitive ticks of the clock.

Sixty ticks, that made up one minute.

Hinata sighed, closing the yearbook. He had gone through the same book approximately twelve times just this night alone, cycling through the few other documents and papers he could find lying around his room. He briefly considered breaking into the others’ rooms to see if he could entertain himself with anything else, but that would just be rude. Besides, he didn’t need any of them waking up and calling him a weirdo.

“Hajime,” a voice called within his head. It was a strange sensation, hearing Kamukura speak to him through his mind, and Hinata still had to get used to it.

“Izuru,” Hinata replied, out loud. It made him feel a little bit better. Nobody else was in his room, anyway. Nobody but the two of them.

“I’m bored.” Kamukura stated, and Hinata almost wanted to hit his head on the desk.

“Wow, who would have thought.” Hinata replied dryly. He almost sounded like Kamukura there, which alarmed him slightly.

Still, he had a feeling Kamukura was perhaps trying to… comfort him, in his strange way.

“What are you thinking about?” Kamukura asked, and Hinata shivered, it was as if Kamukura was prying into the depths of his soul.

“...Nothing.” Hinata replied, knowing fully well that Kamukura was conscious of his own thoughts as well.

Kamukura pretended too. It was the only way they could have a conversation like this.

Without warning, Hinata’s arm moved and flipped open the yearbook.

“Geez, you’re so bored you want to see this for the…what was it, thirteenth time?” Hinata mumbles, as if he were not guilty of doing the exact same thing just moments ago. Kamukura stayed quiet and continued flipping, but giving Hinata just enough time to take in the names and faces on each page. “Ultimate Lucky Student, Komaeda Nagito, huh… He sure was something...”

Kamukura swiftly turned to the next page.

“Ultimate Gamer, Nanami Chiaki…” Hinata smiled bitterly. “Come to think of it, she’s the only one I don’t know anything about. Or well, I don’t know the _real_ Nanami.”

“You knew her,” Kamukura interjected. “Just briefly.” He continued.

“Oh, is that so…” Hinata mused. He couldn’t remember much of what happened before the killing game, or more specifically, what happened before he became Kamukura. Kamukura somehow retained his own memories as Kamukura, but everything before that was lost forever.

It was kind of ironic, Hinata found, that Kamukura seemed to know him better than himself.

“I wonder if they were similar?” Hinata asked.

“Perhaps.”

The only memory of the real, human Nanami Hinata, or Kamukura, had before the killing game, was a gruesome one that he’d rather forget. But it was difficult to remember something like that.

All of her classmates had steadily recovered more and more of their memories after waking up from the simulation. And he’d overheard them talking fondly about her, so perhaps the Observer, the Nanami he knew was really similar to the real Nanami. A kind, sweet, awkward girl who loved games and cared about her friends more than anything.

“Hajime,” Kamukura interrupted. “What does it mean to exist?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Hinata replied, caught off guard by the sudden question.

“I noticed you don’t seem to think of the Observer as ‘real’. I wonder why that is?”

As always, Kamukura had a way with words to make them sound so… thought-provoking.

But well, the answer to this question should be obvious!

“Because… she’s an AI, programmed by someone. Of course, she’s highly advanced, but…”

“An artificial intelligence, a man-made creation who only exists within a computer program. That is why she is not ‘real’? Is that what you are saying?”

“...” Hinata frowned, biting his lip. Did he really have to word it so painfully? Of course, that Nanami, the Nanami he knew from the Neo World Program, the Nanami who always encouraged him and gave him the final push to move forward, he wanted to believe she was real, but…!

If she was an AI, and another Nanami existed before her, then...

“...Then, what does that make me?”

“Izuru…?”

Kamukura’s voice remained calm, but Hinata could sense a hint of unease in his (their) heart.

“...What does that make you, Hajime? You, who only retain the memories of a simulation, a fake world.”

“...” Hinata could feel a migraine coming. “I… I don’t know.”

For the first time in a while, Hinata felt… lost, and empty.

He had always known, the moment he learnt that he had no talent. No matter how hard he tried, he could never be the same as his friends.

His friends, who shared the same past, the same memories. The same hope and despair, the same people, the same relationships.

Even though Sonia and the others smiled at him warmly, even though they thanked him and relied on him for help, Hinata could never completely shake off the feeling of being an outsider.

“I don’t know.” Hinata laughed. He could feel himself tearing up. “Seriously, what am I?”

Can someone like him even be called a human? How foolish. He had chased talent his entire life to be accepted by this cruel society, only to be made much too aware that he was even more different compared to everyone else. Having all the talents in the world should have been what he wanted, yet why did he feel a numb tinge of regret?

Ah, but if he didn’t become Kamukura, then...

“Hajime is Hajime.” Kamukura stated plainly. “You exist.”

“I… I…”

“Hajime has a purpose.” Kamukura affirmed.

“I know, I know, I should be grateful that I’m still alive…” Hajime restrained himself from crying any further, and was mildly surprised to see that the tears had stopped. “I just, I don’t know… who or what am I? What are _we_?”

“ _We_ are… alive. Is that not good enough?”

Hinata’s laughter rang out hollow amidst the ticking of the clock. “Maybe you’re right. I think I’m going crazy from the lack of sleep.”

“You can go to bed. I will stay up.”

“No, if you do that we’ll both be exhausted tomorrow.”

Silence followed. Hinata stared absentmindedly at the yearbook again. Of course, deep down, he knew he was foolish for feeling this way, he knew that his friends would laugh at him if they found out he was worrying about something like ‘being left out’. He knew that his friends cared about him like he cared about them. But it was a personal problem, and surely they couldn’t understand, something like having a chunk of your past erased forever and having to share a body with someone else. That kind of thing was way too unusual.

“...If it were not for Hajime, I would not have a reason to be living right now.” Kamukura spoke again, suddenly and quietly, and had Hinata’s mind not been rewired to be able to pick up the tiniest of details he might have missed his words.

“Izuru?” Hinata replied, taken aback by the sudden confession. “Really?”

“For starters, I have to be more careful with our body. Hajime is much more fragile, so it keeps things interesting.”

“I can’t tell if that’s an insult or not.” Hinata remarked, smiling wryly. “Anyway… if anything, you were the one who saved me. If it weren’t for you, I would…”

“...Be just another number to add to the reserve course death count.” Kamukura finished the grim thought for him. Then after a slight pause, he added, “You can continue to thank me.”

“When did you get so cheeky?” Hinata exclaimed, though he was a bit amused by his other self’s words. “Come to think about it, shouldn’t I thank myself for going through with the project in the first place?”

“Absolutely. Thank you Hajime.” Kamukura said in his usual monotonous tone.

“Okay, that’s weird, cut it out,” Hinata replied, realising Kamukura sounded a bit too close to his own voice and was therefore making him seem like a narcissist.

“...Though, everything I said earlier is all true. Not only is Hajime much weaker physically, he also thinks too much about pointless things and tires himself out.”

“And how is that your reason to live?! That sounds more like a reason to give up to me?”

“It is much more interesting. I can hear all of Hajime’s embarrassing thoughts.”

“Agh, Izuru!! That’s it, we’re going to bed!” Hinata declared, marching over to his futon. He threw the covers on top of him in a huff.

“I can’t sleep yet.”

“Too bad! I’m tired from hearing you talk about complicated things.”

“Keep me company, Hajime.”

“Go to sleep.”

“How boring.”

“Yeah, it’s boring, so boring that I’m going to sleep.”

“Hmm.” Kamukura hummed, as Hinata tried desperately to tune him out. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock-_

And he became hyper-aware of that annoying sound again. “Ahh, that stupid clock!”

“It should be simple to modify it so that it does not make a sound.”

“Ahh, but I’m too tired to move…” Hinata mumbled. Kamukura raised his eyebrows as Hinata simply covered his ears with his pillow.

“Good night, Izuru… Thanks for making me sleepy…”

“...Good night, Hajime.”

Hinata eventually drifted to sleep. Kamukura stayed awake for a few more minutes, before his consciousness faded as well.

Even if the others couldn’t understand completely, at least they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh I wanted to write Kamuhina in the same body, so I tried my best... I need more Kamuhina. All kinds of Kamuhina is good. I think about these two way too much. Help.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading.


End file.
